she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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