1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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