someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
