I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
