Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
