I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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