I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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