Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
