I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
