My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
