If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The ass gains better be worth it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize