he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
