saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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