the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
