Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
