dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
