what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Never underestimate the power of titties
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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