why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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