do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
