You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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