so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
