would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
