pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
