Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
