32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I look better un-naked...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
