some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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