I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
