That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
