she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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