i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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