I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
