If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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