The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
3 2 1 whiskey
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
