I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
