I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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