I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They are going to name an STD after you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
