does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
