I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
