have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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