When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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