im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
