I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
