I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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