I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
