Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
