were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
