I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
