Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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