do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
