I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
