after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
